Breaking Free
The Struggle to Let Go and Why It's Time to Move Forward
Hey there,
Let’s have a serious conversation. I know this isn’t going to be easy to hear, but someone needs to say it. We’ve all been there—stuck, unable to move on, replaying the same scenarios in our heads, feeling like we’re spinning our wheels in emotional quicksand. You think to yourself, Why is it so hard to just let go? Everyone tells you to “move on,” but no one gives you the manual on how to actually do it. And guess what? It’s not easy. In fact, it's one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.
But here’s the truth: Holding onto something that’s already behind you is doing nothing but hurting you. And yes, I’m calling you out. I’m calling myself out too because we all do it. So let’s get into why it’s so hard to move on and what we need to do about it.
1. Comfort Zones and the Fear of the Unknown
Let’s be real—no one likes change. Change is uncomfortable, it’s unpredictable, and it forces us to face the unknown. And you know what? We’re wired to avoid discomfort. The past, even if it hurt us, feels familiar. It’s like a worn-out sweater that you keep wearing because it’s cozy, even though it doesn’t fit anymore. Moving on requires stepping out of that comfort zone and into something unfamiliar, and that’s scary.
We get attached to the familiar because we know what to expect. Even if the past sucked, we’ve adjusted to it. We’ve built coping mechanisms around it, we’ve made sense of it in our heads. The future? It’s unpredictable, and unpredictability can be terrifying. But guess what? Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. Holding onto what’s comfortable only limits your potential.
Staying in a place that’s no longer meant for you will eventually suffocate you. The sooner you step out of that zone, the more room you’ll make for something better. But you can’t step into your future with one foot still stuck in the past. Comfort may feel safe, but you can’t grow where you’ve outgrown.
2. We Define Ourselves by Our Pain
Here’s the kicker: One reason it’s so hard to move on is that we’ve tied our identity to the situation, the relationship, or the event that hurt us. We get so wrapped up in the narrative that it becomes part of who we are. Maybe it’s a breakup, a lost friendship, or even a job you got fired from. Whatever it is, it’s easy to let that pain seep into how you see yourself.
We start thinking: I’m the person who got hurt, I’m the one who failed at love, I’m the one who never got that dream job. You start to believe that these events are defining moments that shape who you are. And the more you identify with the pain, the harder it is to let go because, in some twisted way, we feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves.
But here’s the harsh reality: You are not your pain. You are not your past. You are not defined by who left, what failed, or what went wrong. Your value doesn’t decrease because something didn’t work out. The longer you hold on to that story, the longer you delay the chance to rewrite your future. It’s time to untangle your identity from what happened. You’re more than your worst moments.
3. Fear of Making the Wrong Decision
You know that fear that creeps in when you think about letting go? The one that says, “What if I move on, and it turns out to be a mistake? What if I regret it? What if this is the best it’ll ever be?” Yeah, that fear is real, and it holds a lot of us back.
The fear of regret can be crippling because it tricks you into thinking that staying where you are is safer. We convince ourselves that staying stuck might actually be the best option, because at least here, we know what to expect. We know the pain, the frustration, the heartache. But the reality is, staying in one place guarantees only one thing—you won’t grow.
Regret is inevitable if you never allow yourself to see what’s on the other side of moving on. The unknown is scary, yes, but the known? It’s already proven it’s not working for you. Isn’t that enough reason to take a step forward?
4. Unresolved Emotions Keep You Hooked
Here’s the deal: Moving on doesn’t just mean walking away. It means emotionally and mentally freeing yourself from what happened. And if you’re still caught up in unresolved emotions—anger, sadness, guilt, or even confusion—it’s going to feel impossible to move forward.
A lot of people (maybe even you) try to bypass the emotional work. You think, If I just ignore it, I’ll eventually get over it. But that’s not how it works. You can’t sweep unresolved emotions under the rug and expect them to disappear. They don’t go away; they just sit there, festering, holding you back from the closure you need.
Want to move on? You’ve got to face those emotions head-on. You’ve got to sit with the discomfort, process the pain, and allow yourself to feel it all. Only then can you release it. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but you can’t heal what you don’t confront.
5. We Romanticize the Past
Let’s be honest: How often do you look back and only remember the good times? The laughs, the joy, the moments when everything seemed perfect. You build up this idealized version of the past in your head, and before you know it, you’re thinking, Was it really that bad? Maybe it wasn’t as painful as I remember.
But here’s the thing—there’s a reason you need to move on. You wouldn’t be trying to let go of something if it was as good as you’re now making it seem. Your mind has a funny way of blocking out the bad and overemphasizing the good, especially when you’re struggling to let go.
You’re romanticizing what’s already gone, and it’s keeping you from moving forward. Look at the past for what it really was, not what you wish it had been. There’s a reason it’s over. Don’t let the “what ifs” cloud your reality.
How Do You Start Moving On?
So here’s where I come for you: You have to stop making excuses. We’ve all got a list of reasons why we can’t let go: It’s too hard, I’m not ready, I’ll never find something better. Trust me, I’ve been there too. But holding onto the past is holding you back from everything that’s ahead of you. And if you keep holding on, you’ll miss it.
Here’s what I want you to do:
Acknowledge the Past – Don’t suppress it, don’t sugarcoat it. Be honest with yourself about what happened, how it hurt, and why you need to move on.
Release the Emotions – Let yourself feel. Cry, scream, journal—whatever it takes. You can’t move forward while carrying unresolved emotions.
Stop Romanticizing the Past – Every time you catch yourself idealizing what’s gone, stop and remember why you’re letting go in the first place.
Take Small Steps – Moving on doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a process, so give yourself grace. Take it day by day, decision by decision. Each small step is progress.
Moving on is about freeing yourself, not just from the past but from the weight it’s been putting on your future. You owe it to yourself to stop carrying what’s behind you.
I’ll leave you with this: Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing to stop letting the past define you.
It’s time to stop dragging the weight of yesterday into today. Take control. Make peace with what was, and open yourself up to what could be.
You’ve got this.